Confusion of the Heart
by antonioluver
Summary: A twist to the triangle between JohnVangieNatalie. John and Natalie are involved, but John still carries a torch for the love of his life, Evangeline.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

John was just opening the front door to his apartment when the telephone by his bed started ringing. He walked over to the nightstand and picked up the receiver.

"Hello." He answered.

"Hey." His brother Michael Mcbain said.

"What's up Mikey, I just walked in the door and I'm really tired so if you …"

"Yeah make it quick. Look I just wanted to know if you were free tomorrow night." Michael knew how his brother felt about talking about his feelings and after what happened with Evangeline, John was even more withdrawn than before.

"Free for what Mikey?" John was growing more impatient and really needed to take a shower.

"Well, just dinner with Marcie and me, why not get out of the house and breathe a little."

"Okay Mikey, I'll think about it, now I have to go, so I'll talk to you later."

John hung up the phone and started undressing on his way to the bathroom. He was just about to step out of his pants when there was a knock at the door.

_What Now _he thought to himself as he continued to undress and ignore the knocking, but it continued with no avail.

John walked to the door and opened it with out asking who it was, because there he was in only his pants.

"This better be good." He said before looking into the eyes of Natalie Buchanan.

"I hope a visit from me is good." She walked in and kissed John on the lips; she couldn't but she knew he was off in some far away land.

Natalie thought she hit it big when she and John started going out, she had been pining after him ever since they were in Las Vegas undercover with Christian Vega her ex-husband. She thought she knew John, but didn't know that he was having an affair with an old flame, District Attorney Evangeline Williamson.

At the moment Evangeline was sitting at the Place bar with her good friend Nora Buchanan, wife of police commissioner, Bo Buchanan.

"So what's the latest with John?" Nora asked her friend.

"There's nothing to tell. I told John that it was either me or Natalie who obviously he has chosen. She's finally got John to herself."

She took a sip of her martini and sighed.

"Well sounds like you have a dilemma on your hands. All I'll say is if he wants you he'll come to you." Nora sat back against her chair as if she knew everything.

After a few more drinks and some more girl talk before Nora said she had to go home and check on Matthew and go by the station to check on Bo also.

Evangeline stood up from the bar and said her goodbyes to Nora. She was tired and had a deposition to get to in the morning. On her way home, while walking through Angel Square, she ran into Kevin Buchanan, Governor of Landview and one of Landview's most eligible bachelors.

"Hello Evangeline, how are you?"

"Hi, Kevin I'm good. How are you?"

"I was just taking a stroll through the park." Kevin had been interested in Evangeline for awhile, but had to give up when she and John Mcbain started dating.

"How is Duke doing?" Evangeline asked about Kevin's son.

"Fine, he and Adrianna are around town somewhere."

"Enjoy the rest of your night."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"What are you doing here?" John asked Natalie as he closed the door behind her.

"I just wanted to stop by and say hi and see if you'd eaten yet." She sat her purse down on the table.

"Well actually I was about to take a shower and head back into the station."

"Okay we can talk later and I can bring you a burger and some fries from Rodi's."

Natalie kissed John and walked out the door.

John continued on with his shower and freshening up before he sat on the bed and grabbed the phone and dialed Evangeline's cell phone.

She picked up after two rings.

"Hello?"

He hesitated for a minute. "Hey, how you doing?"

"I'm good John and you?"

"I'm heading back into the station and just wanted to check in on you."

John didn't know what he would do without Evangeline; even after they had broken up he couldn't get her out of his system and didn't want too.

"My day was good I just came from the Palace with Nora and on my way home I bumped into Kevin of all people and you'll never guess what he asked me."

"What would that be?"

"He asked me on a date to the Palace tomorrow."

John suddenly felt a lump growing in his throat.

"Let me guess you said yes."

"I did, I'm free to date whoever now; so I really don't know why I'm telling you this anyway."

"You're right it's none of my business anymore, but just be careful while your out by yourself. Bye."

_Later at the station_

Bo Buchanan was busy finishing the last reports on the Killing Club Murders that took place over the last couple months. First two kids from the Love Center; Julie Tanaka and Hudson Preston were murdered, and then Evangeline and Natalie were kidnapped and tied to a burning stake, John rescued both women; but Evangeline went missing for several more weeks before John and Bo caught the main killer; Hays Barber.

This particular case was a very strenuous and emotional one that took everyone in the department a little over the edge, but mostly John who never seemed to lose control of any situation; was running around the station on empty and didn't sleep for days at a time.

Bo worried about him and on the mayor's orders thought about taking him off the case, but decided to give him one more chance in which case they found Evangeline and were able to finally end the case. As Bo finished writing up the last report he heard a knock on his door.

"It's open." He ran a hand over his face and sighed.

Nora walked in and walked behind her husband's desk and gave him a kiss.

"So you ready to go home and get some rest?" Nora sat down in the chair in front of Bo's desk.

"Just finishing this last report and I'm ready to go. Have you checked on Matthew today?"

"Yeah I just called Maryann and told her we would be home in about five minutes and Matthew was outside playing soccer with some friends."

Nora sensed that Bo wasn't telling her something, because he just sat in his chair staring into space.

"What are you thinking about?" Nora asked.

"How the Killing Club case has affected everyone from Natalie, Evangeline, John, Marcie, you, and me. I mean we all had contact with Hays and poor Marcie was his client and she didn't even suspect him to be the killer. I can't even imagine how she must feel right now, but I'm just glad we caught the guy before he killed or tortured anyone else."

Bo closed the file that he was working on and stood up putting his jacket on in the processes. He walked around his desk and held a hand out to Nora; she took his hand and stood up.

"I take it, your coming home early?"

"Yeah, I am." Bo locked his door and walked over to the officer sitting at Natalie's desk.

"Tell Lt. Mcbain that I went home and only call me if it's an emergency."

"Of course, sir." Said Officer Bryant.

Bo and Nora walked out of the police station hand in hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Natalie Vega was sitting at the bar of Ultra Violet waiting for her brother Rex Balsam, the owner of Ultra Violet. She was so happy that the Killing Club murderer was behind bars and she didn't have to look over her shoulder wondering if the killer was after her. Evangeline was also a victim of the Killing Club murders and she and Natalie were held hostage together and actually were able to get along without tearing each other's heads off. The two weren't exactly friends, but they did come to an understanding between each other.

"Hey sis, sitting here by yourself?" Rex came up behind her and kissed her on her cheek.

"Yeah, I'm here alone tonight. So how are things going?" Natalie took a sip of her gin and tonic.

"Same ole' same ole', but Roxy is up to her same tricks again. She's trying to hook me and Adriana up."

"I thought Adriana was with my nephew Duke, and why would Roxy think you would be interested in Adriana?" Natalie looked skeptically at Rex.

"Well I kind of told her that Adriana and I kissed at the quarry." Rex looked away bashfully.

Natalie sat there with her mouth opened for two seconds before asking; "How did you and Adriana end up kissing and where was Duke?"

"I was sleep and started dreaming about Jen, when Adriana came walking by and she told me she heard me and came over to wake me up, and I thought she was Jen and I kissed her. I told her not to tell Duke anything, because those Buchanan men are something else when it comes to their women."

"Are you really into Adriana then or was that just a one time thing?" Natalie knew that Rex wasn't ready for another relationship so soon after Jen's death and he would never love anyone as much as Jen.

"I don't know, it's not like she feels the same way about me, so I don't know why Roxy bothers."

"I think you should go for it and see what happens."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. So how are things with Mcbain going?" Rex was not to keen on the idea of the two being together especially after that hoax he planned for Natalie to use to get John to rescue her, and she literally ended up being kidnapped.

"I couldn't ask for anything else, but lately he's been a million miles away and I don't know why. It doesn't matter, because I finally have John and we love each other."

Natalie sipped her drink and looked around the club.

"Natty, Natty, Natty why do you keep saying that?"

"Saying what, John does love me."

"Has he told you he loves you, because I haven't heard him tell you?"

Natalie stood up from her stool and straightened her blouse.

"I have to go now and see my mother, but I don't want to talk about this again Rex."

Natalie walked away from Rex and out of Ultra Violet. She didn't want to tell Rex that John hadn't told her he loved her and that she had doubts about him ever telling her he loved her. She knew that Rex was against her being with John, but he helped her get him because she was his sister and he would do anything for her.

On her way to Landfaire, Natalie was a little uneasy walking by herself even though there was no real danger in Landview, but she still couldn't shake the feeling that someone was following her. She didn't know how right she was, because when she turned around she bumped into Antonio.

"Antonio, what are you doing following me?" Natalie asked gasping for breathe as she calmed down.

"I didn't mean to scare you Natalie I was on my way to see Jess and I saw you and I figured you were heading there so I would just look after you made sure you got there safely."

"Thank you, but next time you think you could just do it where I could see you?" Natalie was still a little upset, but she continued walking.

"So how's Jess doing, she's hasn't told me anything about her trip to New York?" Antonio was worried about Jessica and she still hadn't told him about Tess; her split personality.

"Jess hasn't told me anything, she's too busy fussing over me and making sure I'm okay. I wouldn't worry though Antonio, she loves you and if she had something to tell you, she wouldn't keep it from you if it were important."

Antonio shook his head in agreement and walked Natalie to the front door. He put a hand on her shoulder causing her to turn around.

"Hey, um, Natalie could you tell Jessica I'll call her later, I have some business to take care of at Capricorn. Thanks Natalie."

"Yeah sure, and thanks for walking me home Antonio."

"No problem." He turned the other way and walked home to Jamie.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

John could hardly concentrate on his paperwork; he was too busy thinking about Kevin touching Evangeline and being with her when he couldn't, it was too much for him. He was getting a headache. John decided to call it a night and go by Capricorn for a drink, he went by Bo's office, but he'd already left for the night.

"Lieutenant, the Commissioner has already left with Nora." Officer Norris said, he sat outside Bo's office.

"Thanks Norris, I'm heading out, so no calls unless it's an emergency got it?" John didn't want to be interrupted in case he caught Evangeline at home.

"Yes, night sir." Norris didn't want to get on John's bad side and knew that wasn't pretty.

John walked out of the police station with one thing on his mind and he was determined to get his way.

_The Buchanan's._

Jessica couldn't wrap her mind around what was happening to her. She wanted it all to go away and to have never happened, but she knew that wasn't the case.

Tess whoever she was wasn't leaving without putting up a fight, but Jessica was getting stronger just by having Antonio by her side. The only downside to this was that Antonio didn't know a thing about Tess and Jessica didn't intend on telling him anytime soon.

She heard the front door open and sat up from the couch to see who was here. Jessica walked into the foyer and found Natalie sitting on the steps and she could hear crying.

"Natalie, honey what's wrong?" Jessica went over to her sister, sat by her and wrapped her arms around her.

"Nothing for you to worry about, I don't want to put my problems on you." Natalie sniffled.

"No, you can tell me what's bothering you and we can try to fix it." Jessica really wanted to be there for Natalie, but she had a feeling that she knew what the problem was about.

"Okay, it's John and you probably already knew that, but he's pulling away from me and I can't help but feel that he's keeping something from me too."

"Well have you talked to him about what's keeping him distant? It might help." Jessica didn't know what else do to say, she didn't know all the details about Nat and John's relationship, but she did know that John wasn't over Evangeline yet. Maybe he would never be over her.

_Evangeline's Apartment_

Coming out of the bathroom fresh from her shower, Evangeline began to lotion her legs, arms, and torso. Next she sprayed her favorite Victoria Secret's scent, Amber Romance, all over her body and slipped into a two-piece leopard camisole and capri pajama set. Evangeline stood in front of the mirror and brushed her hair up into a high ponytail so that it touched the back of her neck. She felt so relaxed that she didn't mind indulging her sweet tooth tonight; she walked into the kitchen, grabbed a spoon, and took a pint of Haggen Daz, Double Chocolate Chip Ice Cream out of the freezer, and walked into the living room to settle in front of the t.v. with her ice cream.

Before she could get too comfortable the doorbell rang, she really didn't want to get up, and ruin her alone time, but she raised better than that. So before going to open the door, she put her ice cream back in the freezer so it wouldn't melt, and walked to the door.

Standing on her doorstep was none other than John Mcbain looking relaxed and sexy. He was leaning against the doorjamb nonchalantly.

"John, hi what are you doing here?" Evangeline self consciously lifted her hand to run it through her hair, but soon stopped after she realized that it was in a ponytail.

"Hey, I just thought that you could use some company and I wanted to check on you."

John walked into her apartment, not waiting for her to verbally invite him.

Evangeline stepped back to let him in and closed the door. She felt like she had to put something on to cover up her exposed skin.

"Um, John if you would excuse me for one minute." Evangeline went back into her room and grabbed a white bathrobe that was lying on her chaise lounge and slipped into it.

John was looking at some family photos when she returned to the living room with a white bath robe wrapped around her beautiful body; he wished he could be that bath robe right now.

"Humph humph." Evangeline cleared her throat and pulled the robe tighter around her waist, when she saw John staring at her.

John turned toward her, "I was just admiring your pictures here, and you're just as beautiful in your teen years as you are now." He took a few steps toward her.

John was so close to her now that she could smell his cologne, the cool scent of his aftershave, and his natural essence. Evangeline sat down on the couch for fear of falling down, she crossed her legs.

"So John, what is this really about?" Evangeline asked.

"I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to see you." John was stalling for time; he didn't have any reasons for being here, except for wanting to see her.

"Come on John, were not together anymore and you don't have to come up with lame excuses like you were checking on me or you were just in the neighborhood. I told you that we could be friends and I meant that, so why don't you cut the crap and tell me what's wrong." Evangeline couldn't understand how John still needed to be around her at all times and know where she was at all times.

John sat across her and folded his hands in a temple, resting his chin on them. All he knew was that he needed to be near her and that was all there was to it.

"Look, I know that we had a fall out a few months back, and I know that this thing with Natalie must be killing you inside, but I don't mean to hurt you. I just want things to go back to the way they were before it became a disaster."

"John, we can't go back to the way things were, I don't think we ever can go back. I mean look at where we're at now, you're with Natalie and you're both happy with each other, and I'm moving on. _Slowly_." She silently added.

John gave her his signature grin that she always loved. Couldn't she see that he wasn't happy with Natalie, and the only woman that could make him happy was her? He looked at her with pleading eyes and reached out to touch her, but Evangeline stood up before he had the chance.

"We can't do this John; every time we're in a room together we end up having sex and not that I'm not complaining, because we were good together, that was a different chapter in our lives and I thought that at least I had closed that chapter in my life, obviously you haven't yet.

John shook his head he couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could she just stand there and say that she closed him out of her life and that she was moving on? Here he was still in love with her and she didn't even see it.

"I'm not happy with her, I never was and I was stupid to get involved with her in first place. We can start over if that's what it will take to have you back with me." John was grasping at straws now, and was desperate to get her to listen to him about how he felt about her.

Evangeline paced back and forth in front of John wondering what he wanted from her. She couldn't take the pain and constant fighting between them anymore, she was going hear him out and finally be rid of John Mcbain once and for all.

"Alright Mcbain, let's hear what you've got to say." She sat down on the arm of the loveseat and crossed her arms waiting for John's explanation.

John smiled, happy that she was going to listen to his side of the story.

"I was never in love with Natalie and I will never be in love with her. The only woman besides Caitlin that holds my heart is you Evangeline and I'll be damned if I let you walk away from me with my heart in your hands again." John took a deep breath realizing that he had been holding it the whole time he made his speech.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

Nora was sitting in bed looking over a case file, but couldn't keep her mind on the case. She was thinking about how to tell Matthew about her brain tumor, and not being able to take him to soccer practice or going to Rodi's and pigging out on junk food.

She sighed and put the file on her night stand and pulled her glasses off setting them on top. Just then the phone rang.

Nora reached over and picked up the receiver. "Hello?" She answered.

"Hello Nora how are things?" Vicki Davidson's voice came through the phone.

"Oh, Vicki, everything is good, I'm good, Matthew's good, and Bo is good as well. If you wanted to talk to Bo, he had to go back into the station; they called him in, just as we walked into the house." Nora yawned; she covered her mouth.

"Actually I called to speak with you Nora." Vicki was worried that Nora wasn't taking care of herself and that her health could be in danger. She thought that if she and Nora talked, Nora would tell her what the problem was.

"Vicki everything is fine, and there is no need to worry about me either. So how is Jessica doing, do you know why she went to New York without telling anyone?" Bo had told Nora what he knew about Jessica's situation which wasn't much. She didn't know much about the disease called DID, but she know that Jessica was mentally sick.

"Well, I'm not going to lie, Jesse isn't doing to well and she needs help, but I think that she's trying to be strong and not ask for help from anyone. I don't know how much Bo has told you, but Jesse has an alter named Tess, who has a life outside of Landview. I've called Clint and he's on his way down here as we speak; I just hope that we aren't too late to help her.

"Oh, Vicki I don't know what to say, I hope we can save her before she does any harm to anyone. Does Antonio know about this Tess person?" Nora didn't know it went this deep and wanted to help Jessica and Vicki through this ordeal, but didn't know the first thing to do.

"I don't think Antonio knows, and that's the way she wants to keep it. Maybe she doesn't want to alarm him and hurt and feelings, but either way she needs to let him before it's too late." Vicki sighed heavily, she didn't know what to do about her children, they all had developed some very complicated situations and she didn't know how to help them.

Nora was pretty tired and didn't want to be rude, but she had a trial in the morning and wanted to get some rest for the big day.

"Vicki, I don't mean to be rude, but I have a trial in the morning and want to get some rest for tomorrow. So if we could talk some more about this later I really appreciate that."

"No no darling, you're not being rude, I just wanted to check on you and fill you in on what's going on with Jesse. You get some rest and I'll call you later. Good night dear."

"Thank you for checking on me and good night Vicki." Nora hung up the phone and laid her head on the pillow closing her eyes, drifting off into a peaceful sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Evangeline couldn't believe her ears, what John was saying made no sense to her. After these last five months he had the nerve to come in her house and tell her that he loved her and that he was never in love with Natalie, but yet he ran to her every time she called, and he wanted to lie to her and say that he loved her. That would not fly with her; Evangeline was pissed.

"First, how can you come into my house and say you love me when you know it's a lie, and second what makes you think that I would believe you after the hell you put me through?" Evangeline started pacing back and forth in front of the loveseat; she only did this when she was upset.

John shook his head, this was all going wrong, and he needed to fix it.

"Wait a damn minute. Don't tell me that I don't love you; I've been fighting this feeling to protect you and so far it has gotten me no where. I've lost you and I don't know if I can get you back and now you don't believe that I love you. You have to give me some credit for admitting my feelings for you."

"Give you credit for your feelings John what a load of crap, because you had plenty of times to tell me how you felt when we were together and now just seemed like the perfect time to you. Well it's not and I don't know how much more I can take of all your lies. I just want you to leave John and don't come back here anytime soon."

Evangeline felt tired and she still had a lot of anger and sadness left inside that she didn't know she had. She walked to the door and opened it, waiting for John to follow her and walk out.

John couldn't believe that she was kicking him out and not listening to his side of the story. He felt like he'd lost a huge battle and just wanted to drown his sorrows away. So he decided that the best thing for him to do was leave, but he'd be back, for him the fight was just beginning.

He walked toward the door, but stopped and turned to look at Evangeline.

"Hey, don't forget that I love you." John said to her in a low voice.

"I know John, but that doesn't help the situation." Evangeline let a few stray tears escape before she closed the door on John.

John leaned against the door; he couldn't believe what just happened how could she just throw him out , he thought they could start rebuilding what they had, he knew it wouldn't be easy, but at least they would be together again. He needed a pick me up and knew exactly where to go and get it from.

_Rodi's Bar. _

John walked in and sat at the bar, he ordered himself a shot of Jack Daniels. As he was nursing his wounds, Michael walked in holding hands with Marcie.

Michael and Marcie walked over to a table near the corner and sat down. Marcie removed her jacket; placing it around the back of her chair. She noticed John sitting by himself at the bar and nursing a pint of Jack Daniels.

"Michael, honey look your brother is over at the bar and I think he may need your help." Marcie was concerned about John, ever since he and Evangeline broke up, John hasn't been the same, and he was always walking around the station in a bad mood and snapping at anyone who came in contact with him.

Michael looked over to where his brother was sitting at the bar; he didn't look to good from where Michael was sitting. Taking a look over at Marcie's face, Michael could tell that this would bother her for the rest of the night.

"All right I'm going; you don't have to get all rude about it." He teased before walking over to his brother.

John felt like crap and just wanted to drown his sorrows in a bottle. He knew he screwed things up with Evangeline, but he needed to explain why he acted the way he did, and try to regain her trust. Out of the corner of his eye; John saw brother walking toward him out of the corner of his eye and groaned. Michael always stuck his nose in John's business which he called trying to help the situation, but only made matters worse.

"Well look who it is, the good Samaritan come to save the day have you?" John slurred his words.

"Whew, man you need a few breath mints, some gum, and a bottle of Listerine. What are you doing to yourself John?" Michael took a few steps back from his brother.

"I'm drinking away my pain and maybe just maybe I'll forget about all the pain I've caused someone." John's eyes started to droop and wander into the distance.

"Look let me and Marcie take you home and make you a pot of coffee, cause in the morning you're going to feel like shit man." Michael didn't like seeing his brother in this condition.

John threw a couple bills on the table and tried to stand up, but wobbled a little. He held on to the counter to steady himself.

"No, I'm alright you stay here with Marcie and have a nice time." John turned to walk away, but felt Michael's hand on his shoulder. John tried to shrug him off, but was unsuccessful.

John turned around, "Michael I'm warning you, let it go, I can get home myself without any harm." John was in no mood to argue with his brother.

"Johnny I'm not letting you go home by yourself, if you won't let me take you home, then let me call Natalie so she can come pick you up." Michael tried to reason with him; he knew his brother was incapable of making any coherent thoughts tonight.

"Fine fine, whatever you say." John grumbled and rubbed a hand over his face.

Marcie was now standing by Michael and listening to his conversation with Natalie. Even though Marcie disliked Natalie with a passion and couldn't understand what John ever saw in her, but was glad he had someone to take him home safely.

"Hey Natalie, it's John he's not doing so hot, he's gotten himself drunk and won't let me take him home."

"Yeah, I'll be there right away, and Michael thanks for calling me." Natalie wanted people to take her and John together as a couple serious.

"Don't mention it, kiddo." Michael laughed; he knew she hated the nickname he gave her.

"Yeah, whatever Michael I'll see you in a minute." Natalie hung up the phone.

"She's on her way, I'm so sorry Marcie that our dinner got cut into, but I'll make it up to you later." Michael told Marcie as he wrapped a arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss.

"Hey get a room if you're going to do that. This is a publik area. "John slurred his words again; he was drinking another shot of JD.

"That's a riot, because you're telling me and Marcie to get a room when you and Evangeline would be all over each other like rabbits when you two thought no one was looking." Michael grinned at his brother, but noticed that Marcie was looking at him strangely.

"Honey why did you say that, you know he doesn't like to talk about Evangeline." Marcie whispered to Michael.

"I don't know, it just came out, you know I didn't mean to upset him." Michael turned to his brother and tried to apologize.

John was shaking his head at him, "Don't worry about it Mikey, I remember the good times, how beautiful she looked in the morning without makeup, the way she smelled of Flowers in the Springtime, and how good her lips…" Michael cut John off in mid-sentence.

"Alrighty; John tmi you don't need to explain any further. Where is Natalie when you need her?"

"Right behind you dope." Natalie came in behind him and walked over towards John.

"Hey honey, are you ready to go home?" Natalie asked him as she put an arm around his waist and placed his arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah, kids take me home." John's eyes started to glaze over.

Natalie looked at Michael for help with his brother.

"Um, let me help you out Natalie." Michael put John's other arm around his shoulder.

Together Natalie and Michael got John to her car; once John was safely strapped in Natalie thanked Michael for calling him and said her goodbyes to him and Marcie, before taking off.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Natalie couldn't believe how John was acting; she'd never seen him this riled up. He kept going on and on about how he screwed things up, and how he couldn't change the past, and how his heart was broken. She could only assume that he was talking about Caitlin, because she knew he was definitely not talking about that stuck up, high and mighty princess Evangeline.

As she got John through the door and on to the bed, she began to wonder what was really going through John's mind. Deciding that now was as good a time as any to pick his brain about his feelings for her, Natalie started to ask him questions has he shrugged his black leather jacket off and kicked off his black boots.

"Hey John, why haven't we been together since we went undercover in Las Vegas?" Natalie was trying to look busy with straightening the living room, but was failing miserably.

John chuckled and lay against the head board. 'The truth is Natalie I wasn't into having a relationship with you and truth be told I'm still not sure what the hell I'm doing with you now. I should have kept my distance from you and listened when Evangeline told me that you were trying to break us up, but I told her it wasn't true. Then I didn't think that you had feelings for me and I definitely knew I didn't have any feelings for you I ignored the signs. Now I'm just tired of pretending and playing games Natalie.

_What the hell is this son of a bitch talking about?_ Natalie thought to herself.

She was appalled and shocked, Natalie couldn't believe her ears. When she asked John how he felt she didn't expect this heartfelt confession to come out of his mouth.

"Wait, so what are you saying John that you really don't want to be with me?" Natalie sniffed; her eyes were starting to water.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Look Natalie you're really sweet and all, but you're just not my type and quite frankly I don't have any feelings for you except maybe as a friend." John was starting to drift off and his head was lolling to the side.

"I'll just forget you said that; only because you're drunk and need to sleep it off." Natalie shook her head not wanting to believe the mean and hateful things John was saying to her.

John closed his eyes and tried to get a clear thought through his already muggy brain. He didn't understand why Natalie was still here and clinging on to him when he would never love her, like he loved Evangeline. This phony relationship had gone far enough and he had to end it now.

Natalie was coming out of the kitchen carrying a water bottle and two aspirin for John.

"I thought you could use these for that headache you got there. Next time you decide to drink, maybe you should stop after three. Here take these and try to get some rest I'll stay here tonight." Natalie placed the aspirin in his hand, opened the bottle, and placed the cap on his nightstand.

"You can just leave the water on the nightstand before you leave, and while you're at it, could you take anything that's yours with you as well." John popped the aspirin in his mouth and chased them down with some water.

Again Natalie was flabbergasted. What the hell; was he trying to tell her something or was the alcohol just talking?

"Wait a damn minute, what are you telling me John? And take my stuff with me like I'm never coming back here or something; what has gotten into you?" She tried to make light of the situation by laughing softly, but it had no affect on John, because he kept a straight face.

"No, I mean get your shit, and get the hell out of my place. Now would be a good time, because I have to get up early for work in the morning. You do know what that is don't you; it's the place where you actually do work." John sat up and placed his feet on the floor, trying to get his bearings.

"No, you can't break up with me, you love me and I love you. Were can be so happy together John, it's not like I'm pressuring you into a more committed relationship, or pressed you into saying I love you, so don't push me away John we are destined to be together.

John now stood up and walked in front of Natalie, so she could understand him loud and clear.

"I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't love you. My heart belongs to Evangeline and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do about that. Now I'm pretty sure you know that I do have trouble with expressing myself and my feelings, and Evangeline helps me by asking me how I feel and getting me to open up to her. You and I have this different relationship where it's just friendly and comfortable for me. Unlike me you want more from me than I'm willing to give you." John took a step back when she reached for him.

"I don't believe you, that conniving bitch put you up to this didn't she, she must be really desperate to break us apart?" Natalie couldn't believe that miss high and mighty princess was trying to steal her man.

"Don't you dare call Evangeline that she; has done nothing to deserve your disrespect. My breaking things off with you has nothing to do with her, so leave her out of it, and if I ever hear you talking about Evangeline like that again you will be sorry that you ever met me." John looked at Natalie with disgust and pity in his eyes; he didn't understand how he ever let himself be pulled into this thing with Natalie.

"Whatever you son of a bitch; you will not get off this easy with breaking up with me and throwing me out. Do you know who my family is, the Buchanans and I will make you pay for leaving me?" Natalie gathered her things and walked out the door slamming it behind her.

"Good riddance to you and don't come back." John said to himself as he fell face forward on the bed instantly falling asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The next day for John was pure agony and hell he couldn't think straight or see straight. He had to sit on the bed for an extra five minutes before he got up this morning.

_Why did I drink so much last night?_ He thought as he moved sluggish toward the bathroom. John reached into the shower and pulled on the nozzle; the spray of the hot water on his hand felt good and he couldn't wait to get under the water. Setting a towel out he began to strip out of the clothes he still had on from last night.

John took out a bottle of aspirin from the cabinet and popped them into his mouth swallowing them with water from the faucet. He stepped into the shower and let the water rush over him relieving the tension in his aching backing; he wished Evangeline was there in the shower with him to help ease his pain. After fifteen minutes he jumped out of the shower and dried off. He went into his room toward the dresser and pulled out a pair of boxer shorts and a black wife beater pulling it over his head. He then pulled on a pair of gray slacks and a white dress shirt to finish off the outfit he put on the matching suit jacket and his black boots that zipped on the side. After tucking his gun in the back, and pocketing his badge and keys John left his apartment.

The station was the last place he wanted to be, but John knew he had work that needed to be finished. He asked around if Natalie came in yet and told the receptionist to let him know if she did come in later. John walked into his office, closed both doors, and sunk onto the couch sitting in the corner; his body was in need of some serious rest and all he wanted to do was get a really good back rub. Just as if his thought was coming to life at that moment in walked his beautiful and sexy woman, Evangeline.

Evangeline looked down over to her left and saw John with one arm draped over his eyes lying on the couch. She closed the door behind her and walked over and sat on the edge of his desk with her legs crossed.

"Wake up sleepy head." Evangeline said above a whisper as she ran her hand over the football she gave him before they broke up.

John smiled despite the pain the rest of his body felt. "I knew that was you and I was sleeping. And what do I owe to this pleasure?" He slowly sat up and rubbed his temples.

"I just wanted to come by and see how you were feeling and to make sure we didn't have hard feelings about our talk last night." She uncrossed her legs and got off the desk to stand in front of him.

"Well as you can see my body aches and I have a pounding headache. And no I don't have any hard feelings about last night." John ran a hand through his hair and laid his hand down on the arm of the couch.

Evangeline started pacing back and forth between John and the desk. She didn't know why she was here in the first place, she could have just called him to ask how he felt, but she had an uncontrollable urge to come see him in person.

"I think you might need something to work out those kinks you have there. So why didn't you stay home if you hurt this badly?"

"I needed to get some work done enough said." John stood up stretched his arms above him. He caught Evangeline glimpsing at him out of the corner of his eye. "I saw you; so don't try to hide that look in your eyes."

"I don't know what you think you saw, but I don't have any look in my eye. You know what I have to get back to work now and I'll talk to you later John. Hope the rest of your day goes well." She started to walk out of his office but was stopped with a hand to her arm.

"I want to attach some strings again. I'm ready to come clean with you about everything and maybe we could talk at your place later." John was tired of playing around his feelings and wanted to have Evangeline back in his life for good.

"Am I hearing you correctly or is this a ploy to get me to come home with you Lieutenant?" Evangeline was hoping and praying that he really was ready to tell her that he loved her and that he had finally told Natalie the truth.

"What I'm saying is I love you and I was stupid to just let you walk out on me. I should have fought harder and I should have never led Natalie on. What we had was real and I want that back, you don't know how badly I missed you, and how badly wanted to feel you next to me every night. So yes I guess I'm ready to tell you how I fell."

John took a step toward Evangeline and leaned in within two inches from her lips and whispered. "So can I kiss you now Counselor?"

The only thing Evangeline could do was nod; she wanted John to kiss her from the moment she walked into his office.

John leaned in and took her lips by force knocking Evangeline off her feet. The rush of feelings that was coming at both of them was too much to express here at the station, they would have to take their reunion behind closed doors, because John was about to catch up on old times.

"Wait a minute John." Evangeline said in between kisses. John was kissing her neck and waves of shock through her body.

She put her hands in his hair and grabbed a fistful.

John buried his face even deeper in her neck he didn't want this feeling to end.

"John!" said Evangeline a little more forcefully. John quickly pulled his head up and looked at her.

"What's wrong I thought you wanted this, please tell me that this isn't a mistake and I didn't just imagine you saying yes?" John looked at her with wet eyes.

Evangeline at looked John and grinned she knew what John wanted and she wanted to give him that pleasure.

"I want this more than anything but John we can't just have sex here in your office that wouldn't be a very wise choice."

"Babe do you remember when I came to your office and not only did we have sex in your office, but we broke one of your office chairs. So if we have sex in this office it wouldn't be a bad thing now would it?" John gave Evangeline that signature grin of his and dipped his head to her neck again.

"Uhmm, John please don't make me beg you to stop, because that's the last thing I want to do." Evangeline let her head loll to the side as John kissed her deeper and deeper into an oblivion.

When John pulled his head up for air he released his hold on Evangeline and walked over to one of the open doors. He held the knob for a second before closing and locking it. He looked at Evangeline and pointed to the other door. She shook her head and stood still, she was not about to let John seduce her into having sex in his office. John moved away from his front office door and as he started walking toward the other door, he ran a hand across Evangeline's waist. She shuddered.

"We should go to your place instead John." Evangeline had butterflies in her stomach the size of saucers and didn't know how else to explain it but nerves. She knew there was more of a risk for them to get caught here at the station then there was at her office.

"Just relax Evangeline everything will be ok." John locked the door and moved back toward her.

He ran a hand down her arm and watched his touch take effect on her. She was so beautiful and he didn't want this moment to end. He unzipped her jacket slipping it from her shoulders and admiring her blue silk camisole underneath. He ran the tip of his finger along her collarbone, over her neck, and between her breasts.

Evangeline slowly raised her hands and put them underneath his jacket placing them on his shoulder. She removed his jacket throwing it on the floor with out a thought. This is what she missed the most; the moments leading up to their lovemaking. She began unbuttoning his shirt and caught a glimpse of his trademark black wifebeater; smiling at the memories it stirred within her. She quickly relieved John of his shirt and ran her hands over his well sculpted muscles and traced his tattoos that she'd missed so much.

John reached up to remove the thin straps from her shoulders and pulled the camisole over her head and admired her lovely, shapely breasts. His fingers were aching to touch them and he was ready to put an end to that ache. John ran his hands over her collarbone and with every touch blazed a trail of fire to her breasts, he bent his head and ran his tongue around her nipple and took her left breast into his mouth and sucked on it. He then in turn took her right breast and gave it equal attention.

Evangeline bit her bottom lip to try and keep from moaning out, even though outside of John's office in the bullpen, the noise level was on a scale 10 factor. She was losing all control and he hadn't even entered her yet. This was heaven to her she'd been celibate for four months and was ready to welcome John back home. Relieving him the task of removing his wifebeater, Evangeline began doing it for him. John raised his arms above his head while she pulled the shirt over his head. Taking her breasts back into his mouth he began to suck on them until he heard Evangeline wince in pain.

Looking up at her with concern in his eyes he asked. "Did I hurt you?"

"Not too much." She smiled.

Feeling her legs being moved from under her, she felt John place her on the couch and began removing her skirt. She raised her hips so he could pull it off easier; John made easy work of removing it and tossing it on the floor. He was so ready to taste her skin beneath his tongue.

"I've waited months for this moment and I'm not going to let anything get in the way." John said as he unbuckled his belt and removed his pants; throwing both on the floor.

Evangeline placed both hands on the waistband of his boxers gently and slowly pulling them down, dragging the tip of her fingernails over his skin. She felt his stomach tighten and she grinned. Finally freeing his bulging erection from its restraints she grabbed it by the shaft and began a slow rhythmic movement. John shuddered and quickly removed any clothing that was left between them and lay on top of her shifting his weight so that he was too heavy upon her.

Teasing the gentle and wet opening he, smoothly entered her with one thrust and began a slow rhythm, he didn't want to end this pleasure too quickly. He continued his pace giving her time to move with him; when she caught the pace he moved faster and thrust harder.

Trying to hold back the screams that were lodged her throat, Evangeline bit her lower lip and let out a low moan. She ran his hands up and down John's back and raked her fingernails across his lower hips. John bent down to kiss the tender spot in the crock of her neck leaving it with a big red spot.

Not being able to hold back her pleasure any longer Evangeline let out a soft cry.

"Johnnnnnnnn!" She called out softly not wanting to be heard outside of the office by anyone else. Tightening her legs around John's waist she felt her muscles contracting against his member and pulling it in deeper. She held on to John for dear life as she felt her first orgasm rip through her body and take hold of her senses.

"Let it out baby, let it out." John kissed her jaw and her cheeks before he came to her lips. Not soon after; John found his own release that raked through his body in waves of pleasure. They lay happy and content in each other's arms for a few minutes before Evangeline realized where they were and tried to move from under John.

"John, we need to get up from here we can't stay on the couch all day, you have work to do and I have to get home and get ready for my date with Kevin." Evangeline tried to get from underneath John but came up unsuccessful.

"Wait you're still going on a date with Buchanan after what just went down between us? I can't no I won't allow you to go out with him."

This time when she tried to break through; she was successful. Jumping up form the couch, she was livid. How could he tell her what and what now he would allow her to do? She didn't respond well to other people besides her mother telling her what to do.

"John you have no right to tell me what I can and can't do. I thought we understood each other. I don't need you to protect me from everything; I'm not a little girl who doesn't know how to handle herself." She began picking up her clothes and pulling them back on straightening the hem of her skirt and the straps on her camisole and searched around the floor for her jacket, when she felt John's strong arms wrap around her waist.

"John let me go." She said in a calm voice, careful not to let her angry slip out.

"I'll never let you go again for as long as I live. Now back to Buchanan and this date you have with him tonight, I think you should go home, call him tell him that you can't come and have to cancel, and then you can come to my place and have dinner there." John rubbed her stomach.

Shaking her head; Evangeline tried to clear her head but couldn't think with John so close by. She needed time to process what just happened. Did she want to get involved with John again after what he put her through? Would they pick up where they left off? Did I just use him to release my sexual tension? All these thoughts were clogging her mind and she had to go some where quite and think this through.

Pulling free of John's hold, she grabbed her jacket off the ground and pulled it on. She pulled her hair out of the jacket and ran her hand though her hair to smooth it down, locating her purse and slipping her shoes on she moved toward the back door, so she wouldn't be seen.

"I'm going to leave before I say something I might regret and John I need time to think this whole situation over, so please don't pressure me into making any quick decisions."

With that last comment she was out the door; John had the impulse to run after her but stopped short when he realized he was standing in the middle of his office with nothing on.


End file.
